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So... I can't help it. It hurts. A lot. I miss this one special person more than I can ever explain. I've tried summing it up in my head and writing it all down... but it would take a thousand pages to thoroughly express every reason why I miss this person.

And it's no ones fault. I'm not blaming them, or me, or anything. So I just sit here and miss what I used to have. And fear that I'll never have anyone else who measures up to what I used to have... and the fact that I don't even want anyone else. I try to find the flaws to convince me that it was worth ending... but they aren't there. Even their flaws made me love them more.

Why must it be so hard...?

Everything I do or hear or see or experience or joke about... somehow reminds me of something about us. And it makes me smile sometimes... but lately I want nothing more than to burst into tears. Because I didn't want to lose them... I never wanted to lose them the way I had them. And I fear that I'll lose them for good some day.

I hate you

… but no.

I don’t.

I miss you.

And not just a simple miss you

Like the missing of a friend

Or a misplaced possession

It is a constant, non-stop aching

That flourishes within my heart

And terrorizes my soul

I dream of you like a parched person dreams of water

Or a starving man longs for nourishment

I feel physical sickness when I think of you

And see none of me.

I can’t think,

Or walk

Or talk

Or listen

Or be…

Without seeing your face

Remembering your touch,

Reliving life with you

I need to hate you…

… no.

I need YOU.

I never thought it would happen,

But you’re someone I need

BADLY.

You were my gold,

my encouragement,

My passion,

My pride.

And a partner

I could have loved

…forever.

And the worst part is…

At a time when I shouldn’t be loving you anymore

….

I don’t know how to stop.

I want to stop.

…No.

I don’t want to stop-

Not even a little bit.

You’re too much to forget,

Or hate.

I could say I hate you,

But that lie would be huge.

I just don’t know what to do.

I don’t know how I’ll ever

… Stop loving you.