No Title

So... I can't help it. It hurts. A lot. I miss this one special person more than I can ever explain. I've tried summing it up in my head and writing it all down... but it would take a thousand pages to thoroughly express every reason why I miss this person.

And it's no ones fault. I'm not blaming them, or me, or anything. So I just sit here and miss what I used to have. And fear that I'll never have anyone else who measures up to what I used to have... and the fact that I don't even want anyone else. I try to find the flaws to convince me that it was worth ending... but they aren't there. Even their flaws made me love them more.

Why must it be so hard...?

Everything I do or hear or see or experience or joke about... somehow reminds me of something about us. And it makes me smile sometimes... but lately I want nothing more than to burst into tears. Because I didn't want to lose them... I never wanted to lose them the way I had them. And I fear that I'll lose them for good some day.

I hate you

… but no.

I don’t.

I miss you.

And not just a simple miss you

Like the missing of a friend

Or a misplaced possession

It is a constant, non-stop aching

That flourishes within my heart

And terrorizes my soul

I dream of you like a parched person dreams of water

Or a starving man longs for nourishment

I feel physical sickness when I think of you

And see none of me.

I can’t think,

Or walk

Or talk

Or listen

Or be…

Without seeing your face

Remembering your touch,

Reliving life with you

I need to hate you…

… no.

I need YOU.

I never thought it would happen,

But you’re someone I need

BADLY.

You were my gold,

my encouragement,

My passion,

My pride.

And a partner

I could have loved

…forever.

And the worst part is…

At a time when I shouldn’t be loving you anymore

….

I don’t know how to stop.

I want to stop.

…No.

I don’t want to stop-

Not even a little bit.

You’re too much to forget,

Or hate.

I could say I hate you,

But that lie would be huge.

I just don’t know what to do.

I don’t know how I’ll ever

… Stop loving you.

Bleh...

I have officially realized just how pathetic I've looked. Online dating applications? ...what?!? I deleted them all from my facebook the other day because I was border-lining on looking desperate... and that is just not good. My internet profile is not me. It's my personality, in a way... but it's not ME. I'm done with hoping to start a relationship from the internet, especially when I'm not even ready for a new one.

Yay...

I'm gonna start off this one by saying....

I'M GOING TO TCU!!!!

Yay. I get home at noon today tired and cranky after just taking my last test that I stayed up late and got up early to study for... and my mom places a huge purple and white envelope in my hands bearing the words "Congratulations!" on the front.... instant happiness. It might seem weird to say I'm proud to be called a horned frog, but even that has it's own unique appeal to me. I finally know where my next direction will be, and I'm very excited about that.

I found my school.. I think!

I know for sure that TCU is where I want to go to college.... and waiting for my admissions decision is killing me!! I think my chances of getting in are good, but you never know. And when I took the tour this weekend, they talked quite a bit about how they are looking for students who want to challenge themselves. I just hope... as I wait with baited breath, lol. I'm just over-joyed that I finally know where I want to go! The only thing that makes me sad is knowing some stuff I'll be leaving behind...

Christmas is near!

Have you ever felt like you had a lot of things to get accomplished but just couldn't get started on anything? That's my feeling today. I need to finish my college applications essays mostly. But the weird thing about me is... I want them to be REALLY good; so it's like I'm intimidated by the fact that I want them to be so good, thus I'm scared to even get started. Very strange, yes...

Anyway, the weather is very cold, and... wet today. But I love it. A lot of people seem to long for summer at this time of year, but I actually enjoy it while it's here. It may be cold, but there's a sort of cozy and romantic appeal to the winter. It makes me want to be hopelessly in love all over again. If it wasn't cold, we wouldn't have the urge to cuddle up by the fire under a blanket or with someone we love, or drink hot cocoa, or sit by the window reading a book (or checking our myspace :P) with the rain or snow as a backdrop. Life is cold sometimes, but it just gives us a chance to find our own warmth in what we have.

Why I freakin' love it

Bored in study hall the other day, I was looking at random websites and decided to look at Breaking Benjamin's. I realized that I love them and their music even more than I thought, lol. Here's pieces from the article:


"Ben is his biggest critic," bassist MARK JAMES acknowledges. "He'll write stuff that is undeniable. And everyone else knows it's undeniable. But he'll think it's not good enough and he'll go back to the drawing board. For BURNLEY, who typically writes at least 10 songs to yield one... "I'll basically write a number of similar songs and cherry-pick the best pieces from all of them and make one."

"I want the listener to analyze my songs," he says. "I don't want to do it myself. If someone thinks the song is about something and I come along and say, 'No. The song is about this.' I could ruin it for them."

I just love that- I'm not even close to being that brilliant, but I could see pieces of me in this, ya know? I was in the car for at least 2 hours yesterday. I listened to their entire collection and realized there wasn't a single song I didn't like. I can't fully explain how awesome they are to me.

And I love how you can listen to a song and find your own personal meaning in it, even if it's just from a couple of words, or even if it's just the music. Even if you just sit there, let it play, and think about everything and nothing at the same time, or if it means blaring it from your car speakers and singing out the lyrics at the top of your lungs (and nooo, I haven't done that... :P). If your world feels like it could be crashing down around you, or even if you just need a reason to feel, there's always the music. Picking up pen and paper or a guitar in a moment of inspiration, or even in a moment of none at all, is it's own kind of therapy; it's treatment for the soul. Oh, and they're going on tour with THREE DAYS GRACE and SEETHER next year! YAAAAY! :D

http://shallowbay.com/bio

New Light

I'm getting closer to having a solid plan for my future. Things are getting clearer, and I'm realizing things I never thought I would. I'm getting back up from last month's fall, and I'm smiling inside again. I know I will probably have more "moments of weakness"- many more- but I'm one step closer to being ready to face them all.

I want to go to school far enough away to challenge myself. I want to make it on my own for a while. I want to have fun; I want to work hard as well.

I'm almost ready.

And now that I've gotten that out of the way... I realized something over the holidays: I am too selfish. I spend too much of my time worrying about what I can do to help MYSELF, when the energy could be used for much better things. And I'm working on changing that.

Optimism... finally! :P

Ok, because Tim asked for it (haha)... here is a new post. But the problem is... where to start?

I can't exactly describe everything I've been feeling lately.... kinda like:

loved, happy, sad, excited, sucky, apprehensive, stressed, creative, grateful, cranky, bored, worried, defeated, jubilant, glad to be alive (lol)...

Just take these emotions, mix them up in any order, and pick at random times. Yep, that's about how it's been. But I'm tired of complaining about every time I feel sad. Live is good... sometimes. But the bigger picture is always beautiful, and sometimes I forget. So whatever I'm going through, it's always great to know that everything will eventually be okay. I have people who love me and who I will always be here for as well. Even if the next year brings us miles and miles apart, I can be strong.

"Singin' amen I... I'm alive."

:D

Update

So I have decided... I want to get back to playing on my bass again. And my acoustic. Being around other people who can play makes me excited and envious, and I want to be a part of it!

And the college application process has begun... AAAHHHH!! Not sure exactly what to think at this point... I read someone's profile on myspace (go figure :P) earlier that made me think. They said they try not to be sad... wait, let me look at it again...



Ah, ok, it was: "i feel blessed to be alive and so should you, you cant be sad forever, it really is a waste of your happieness [minus the 'e'].... love all and love often"

A great way to look at life if you ask me. That is all for now.

Sing like no one's listening

Tonight I went to one of our junior high games for the first time to watch my little sister as a Cheerleader. I was glad to finally get to see her cheering, and couldn't help but feel a hint of jealousy either. I still can't believe she's a cheerleader.

I left early because it was SO cold outside! And I went to my car to drive home... but I just didn't want to. So I drove around town. With Nickelback's "Far Away" blaring out of my speakers. Singing at the top of my lungs. And it was such surreal feeling. It was a strange kind of therapy that I needed. I drove through the parts of town that aren't in my everyday route (even though it's a small town!) and somehow it gave me a different perspective on things. In a time when I am so busy and always watching the time... I was, for once, completely oblivious of time or even where I was going. I just relaxed... and thought. I didn't feel exactly happy... but I wasn't completely sad either.

It was bittersweet- knowing that next year things will be so different. I won't be driving down these streets everyday, or seeing the people I just talked to at the game; knowing that I'll be on my own and free to do what I want without supervision; knowing that the person I most wanted to share these thoughts with is no longer available for that; and knowing that everything is still going to be okay. Because then a song came on that I listened to a lot during this same time last year when (coincidently) I was mending a broken heart then too. It was Straylight Run's "Existentialism on Prom Night", and some of the lyrics really hit me:

Sing me something soft,
Sad and delicate,
Or loud and out of key,
Sing me anything,
we're glad for what we've got,
Done with what we've lost
Our whole lives laid out right in front of us

Read these lyrics...

Some time I want someone who will feel this way about me:

There’s a place in your heart, nobody's been,
Take me there.
Things nobody knows,
Not even your friends,
Take me there.
Tell me 'bout your momma, your daddy, your hometown,
Show me around,
I wanna see it all, don't leave anything out.

I want to know, everything about you THEN.
And I want to go, down every road you've been.
Where your hopes and dreams, and wishes live,
Where you keep the rest of your life hid,
I want to know the girl behind that pretty stare,
Take me there.

Your first real kiss, your first true love,
You were scared.
Show me where,
You learned about life, spent your summer nights, without a care.
I want to roll down main street, the back roads,
Like you did when you were a kid,

[Take Me There lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

What made you who you are,
Tell me what your story is.

I want to know, everything about you THEN.
And I want to go, down every road you've been.
Where your hopes and dreams, and wishes live,
Where you keep the rest of your life hid,
I want to know the girl behind that pretty stare
Take me there.

Yeah,
I want to know, everything about you,
Yeah, everything about you baby.
I want to go, down every road you've been.
Where your hopes and dreams and wishes live,
Where you keep the rest of your life hid,
I want to know the girl behind that pretty stare.
Take me, take me, take me there,
Oh.

I want to roll down main street.
I want to know your hopes and your dreams.
Take me, take me there, Yeah.

-Rascal Flatts, Take Me There

This is my dream.

It's that feeling you get
when you hear the first few notes of an amazing masterpiece of a song, and
the hair on your skin raises up because it gives you an unworldly feeling you can't explain.

It's the heart-skipped-a-beat kind of thing that happens when you hear
"I love you"
for the first time, or the sinking,
lost feeling of remembering when you stop hearing it.

It's the feeling you have when you watch a movie or music video that moves you in such
a way that tears pool up in your eyes.

I want to bring that to someone.
I want to reach people this way.

I want them to know what I feel, and know that I feel the same emotions as they.

I want them to be inspired and awed by my work, and at the same time
be able to relate to it.

I want to be told that I helped someone in their journey through life.

I want to be questioned.

I want my words to be read and analyzed in ways that possibly I haven't even thought of.

I want to be remembered by my thoughts and creations
for many years to come.

I want others to look inside my mind
and see brilliance.

I want to be a writer,
an artist, and
an inspiration.

Why?

Because... I want to be heard.

Our Song

Wrote this quite a while back, and just found it...

The black of night engulfs me;
I give in to its deep persuasion,
lost in empty thought.
I drive through the sea of stillness
and speakers rattle out the rhythm
that once harnessed my soul-
our song.

Feelings rebirth from deceased memories;
past ghosts are materialized.
I see the tears-
most of anger; some of joy,
and these are the moments we shared;
the memories we had- good AND bad.

Again all blur to one,
concealed in one awful, beautiful melody
that eventually will end again,
and leave me driving on...
because all of it's just a memory now,
but forever it will be
our song.

Saving myself for this

I don't remember exactly how it goes or who sang it, but there's this song my dad used to play a lot from one of his old CDs, and the words from it have been playing in my head for the past few days: "breaking up is hard to do." It's true. You become so attached to a person, and think about them so often, that it's hard when they are suddenly no longer in that part of your life that you're so used to them being. It's tough, and it hurts. You think you're fine, and then you hear a song, or a name, or talk about something that happened where they were involved... and it comes back to you. You go to bed after an awesome day knowing that you will be fine, and then you wake up the next morning and the cycle starts over again. You realize they still aren't in your life anymore.

But there's something about this whole experience that has really taught me a lot- about myself as much as about relationships. Why is it that so many of us seem in such a hurry to fall in love? I know I can't be the only one who feels this way. I think back on my past relationships and how they have started and ended. It happens so fast. Everything.

I was talking to my mom about this last night. It started with the simple question. I asked her what made her realize she wanted to marry my dad, and how she knew she loved him.

Okay, so maybe those aren't such "simple" questions, but her answer was much more than I expected. It wasn't anything like "I got this feeling when I first met him..." or "he wasn't like any other man I'd ever met in my entire life!" In fact, my parents first met in high school, but they didn't even think of committing themselves to each other until they were in their twenties and done with and out of college. They wrote to each other and kept in touch most of the time, but they dated other people and focused on their own lives. They didn't plan to get into anything serious until they were truly ready for it. They even lost touch for a while, and moved to completely different states, and only started talking later after a wedding that randomly brought them together.

But what gets me a lot is the fact that they didn't tell each other they loved each other until right before they were engaged... after knowing each other for YEARS. They knew one another- the good things and the flaws. And they were ready for the commitment by that time.

I want that. Well not now, but when the time for that does come, I want the relationship to be like my parents. And I want it at the right time. I didn't realize how much different it is now. It seems like so many of us are in such a hurry... to be in love; to feel something big and become so serious about one person so soon. We get into a relationship, sometimes when we know almost nothing about the other person, and then gradually learn more in a short period of time. Am I wrong in saying so many of us are like an open book waiting to be read? And when we do read someone's story, it's hard not to become attached, and then try to make our way into the story, and influence it. It's difficult not to become attached, and want to do everything in your power to do everything you can for that person.

Before long you're deciding that you're in love... and you become extremely attached. You go farther with them PHYSICALLY and EMOTIONALLY to the point where you want a future with them, and you don't see yourself with anyone else... and then what? Life happens; things change; people graduate and go to college. And things have to end... and then you're stuck wondering if those wonderful times you spent together and the things you did together meant anything at all, because you know that it's not going to happen anymore, and in the end... you aren't doing much more than hurting. Really, really hurting.

I'm living through a very crucial stage of life right now. My future is being molded and built, and I'm in charge of the end result. I have never purposely thrown around the phrase "I love you", but I think I have been unwise when using it. Those words mean... SO much. And I have never uttered them without thinking about it first, and without truly meaning it. But it has been too soon, and at a time that I should have known it would hurt me and someone else in the end. Because it wasn't a time when we could act on those words.

I guess what I'm trying to say mostly is that I have decided to be smarter in my actions. Never again will I let myself fall for someone or say the words "I love you" to them without knowing I'm able to be fully committed to them and knowing them inside and out, and I will take my time getting there. I want it to mean as much as possible. There is so much power in those words, and without real meaning behind them, they are nothing more than words.

Major blues

I can't get anything done today... and I have SO much I need to be doing. But I can't focus. I haven't really focused on anything since the start of last week. And this weekend didn't help either. Yesterday was completely... undescribable. I think I almost made myself sick again because of how much I was worrying.

I walked at the cross country meet... and I NEVER in my life have ever started walking during a meet. My time was probably awful, and for a while I was in dead last. I couldn't tell how she felt about it, but I feel like I let Coach Shmucker down.

And then I had to race back home for band contest... and was 30 minutes late getting to the band hall because I went to the practice field for a last attempt at getting the drill down. I swore I should have known it well enough. I studied that chart like my life depended on it... but it wasn't enough. Usually things end up being a lot less worse than I always picture them to be, but this time it was EXACTLY what I feared- I completely screwed up the whole show. And now a couple of people probably hate my guts for it, and that makes me feel so awful.

And then there is one thing that I can't ever, ever, ever get off of my mind. All day. I have to stay busy; I have to be out and doing something. I left home at 5:45 AM yesterday and stayed in Plainview until midnight that night. And it got better... being out, laughing and being stupid. But now I'm at home again... not being able to do anything but homework, which doesn't help me. Tears come so easy now... just from hearing a song, or a phrase, or a picture, or most of all, a memory. And the closure that I want so badly but am so afraid of at the same time...

Song... well, sort of.

Still working on some more to it. As usual, I wrote it as it came today, and... that was all that came, lol.

I see the fire in your eyes
The moment it leaves, I worry why
Questions make life so cold
I wonder if you even know

Take a trip inside my mind
Feel the darkened hole I hide
Know me, feel me
Please let me be...
your best, imperfect memory

Mondays...

Ah, school. I love it; I hate it. Mostly I hate it... like today. The same ol' thing gets so old, and I think my senioritis is getting a little worse each time we roll into a new week.

And then at the same time, I'm scared, and hesitant. Once I receive that diploma... it's the end of this. Never again will I share a classroom with any of these people. I won't walk down the halls and see and joke with all of the friends I've developed over the past 12 years. I will miss it, as much as I complain about living here. I will miss my friends.

I know. The internet makes it a lot easier. Myspace. Facebook. Email. But how long will that last? It's just not the same as seeing them everyday. It's not the same as groaning together about the test no one studied for, or talking about the horde of mosquitoes that attacked everyone at the long, dragging, 2-hour band practice the night before.

So I want to cherish this year as much as I can tolerate it, because it will matter a few years from now. I'll be on my way in a different direction, and it will be a good thing. But I will still have the memories, and that's very important to me.

La la la, blog.

Hm.. what to write about today... I just feel like writing. Ironically, I don't know what about, only what NOT about. I have an English paper do but midnight tonight that I'm still working on, but I just don't have the drive to finish it right now. I know I will, but slowly... anyway. Today I am... happy. Just happy. And it's great. And it's a Monday. And I'm happy. That is a very rare thing. Ha. And I don't know why I'm writing so many short sentences... hmm.

Oh! There IS something: Saliva! I saw them this weekend, and it was awesome!! I wish I had had a real camera instead of a phone, because we got to meet two of the members after the show, and got a pic with them. Again... awesome!

It's all about perspective

Tomorrow starts another week. I'm never really ready for it, but I'm feeling okay about it at the moment. I working on starting to change my view on things a little more, and think more positively. I'll elaborate more soon, but now I'm going to bed- I'm very very tired.

Monday again.

Today started off okay... and then this afternoon kinda sucked. Actually it was just a chain of events, and now I'm feeling really uneasy; I'm not really sure why either.

And now I'm about to leave to drive an hour and take my final practice ACT test of my course... that I haven't studied enough for. My instructor told me that this one would probably be the same score that I get on the real one, which is this Saturday, and so I'm really scared that it will just be the same score as last time- which I'm happy about, but my goal is a 30, and I know I'm going to be really disappointed in myself if I don't reach it.

And like always, I really miss Brad right now... even if I did see him just a couple days ago. I can't help it :P

Two months later...

I think I might finally be learning to stop expecting so much of myself. For some reason, that is a very hard thing for me to do. No matter, what... it's always there in the back of my mind: what I could have done better, what I should have said, what I did wrong or didn't do. And this could all be avoided if I would just stop over-thinking everything.

But other than that, life is good. It's been forever since I've written on this thing, and there is probably absolutely no one who reads it now, lol. But I'm gonna put the link pack up on my Myspace, so hopefully... If not I guess it will just be like a less-detailed version of an online diary or journal.

But for now I'm getting off so I can sleep.

I'm saying this now...

So I have decided on my main goal for this year (and from now on, really...):

Stop setting so many goals.

At least all at the same time. There are so many things I want to get done and achieve right now, but I just have to stop trying to do everything at once, because... I never end up getting anything accomplished, and that makes me look lazy. I want all of these ideas to be seen by other people than just myself, which means I have to be organized enough to actually get them out of my head!

Naming emotions

Weirdly enough... I know exactly what they are talking about here.

So... yeah. It's been an extremely long time since I last posted. But that's not to say things haven't been happening in my life! First of all, school is almost over. As happy as I am to be able to say that, I really can't believe it. In fact, I've had trouble coming to terms with a lot of occurrences in my life lately. I still haven't grasped the fact that this year I made All-Region band, joined the track team, played tennis, lost weight, started writing more, and biggest of all... actually placed at state U.I.L. competition. These are all goals that I failed to reach last year. I also feel like I'm at peace with myself more now. I don't question if I'm good enough quite as much as I used to. Plus, I'm about to get a small job in web design like I've been wanting! So I conclude that it has been a very good year.

Not ready to be single again :(

I really should be working on all these assignments for computer programming... but I just can't focus. Everything that happened yesterday was just so sudden. I almost feel like I haven't had time to be upset because I wasn't prepared for it. I feel... alone, and cheated, like when you lose your grip on something valuable and it suddenly slips from your fingers. And there's nothing you can do about it. You're just left with a feeling of despare. This is going to sound stupid, but right now I just need someone to listen, a good cry, and a hug, lol.

Baylor and Switchfoot... nice.

Today at lunch I got something kinda interesting in the mail, but didn't even notice it at first. I get stuff from colleges all the time now, so when my Dad threw this postcard from Baylor at me I didn't think much of it. Actually, I didn't really even look at it. But as I was leaving to go back to school, my mom mentioned something about it talking about a Switchfoot concert, and then I was suddenly interested! Apparently they're having a concert thingy, and it's free!! Ok, maybe I'm not as big of a Switchfoot fan as I was a year or so ago, and they may not be Nickelback or Three Days Grace, but I still think getting to see them live would be awesome! Just thought I'd share that, lol.

Ok, and I just took this quiz on Seventeen.com that told me my fall color is... plum. Hmm, I don't think so, lol.

Random rants again

So, today has been good so far. I actually made it all the way through my computer class without getting on the internet once! I have to stop being a slacker now, because I got my report card today... not pretty. At all. And what's even worse is that I don't feel very worried about it... and I should. What's wrong with me? Anyway, I'd rather not think about it at the moment...
Track has officially started, and that same nervous feeling from 8th grade always come back the period before athletics. Dread. But by the end of practice I feel so glad that I'm in track this year. I can't believe I considered not doing something that I really like. I want to do well this year.
Prom is really still pretty far away, but everyone's already getting excited about it- including me! I started tanning again yesterday, and I'm ready to start looking at dresses... but I'd really like to get in better shape first, lol. Plus, I now have a date! :D Exciting stuff, haha.

Hmm... what to say about today? TAKS was pretty easy, although the essay topic completely sucked. I'm sitting in Computer Programming halfway listening to the lesson. I don't really feel like working today, but I know I'll be mad at myself later for not listening well enough. I just have other stuff on my mind... which I guess I'll have to talk about later because we're starting a new program! Woops...

One more day

So, staying up after midnight last night was not a smart thing to do. I must start going to bed earlier, geez. But thankfully this year I have discovered a little something called caffeine... and it is great! haha.

Well, I don't have much to say about today really. The pool table that was supposed to arrive didn't, and won't until Friday. But that's ok. Also, the U.I.L. meet is actually here in town this weekend, and I'm probably going to get to compete in computer science! Yeah, so maybe I'm terrible at it. That's what practice is for... and I really want to do well in it, along with my precious journalism events, of course. And then I'll have lots of homework to do today after track, which started yesterday and I am so happy about!

Other than that, just the usual stress of life... bleh. It's just great, isn't it??

Time for a LOVEly week... hehe

Wednesday is Valentine's Day, and- call me stupid if you want- I actually really love this holiday. I have a lot of friends who think it's kinda pointless, but what's so wrong with a little box of chocolates or flowers or stuffed teddy bear (or puppy dog if it were my decision, hehe) to show you care? My little sister (bless her heart) has finally gotten to that age where she has that hidden hope, like all girls, that a mysterious "secret admirer" note, or something of the sort, will make it's way to her on that day, lol. It's so interesting to watch her get older and go through the same emotions that I feel like I've just barely gotten rid of in the past year or so. I love that girl to death!
Another thing on my mind: Why do girls have to be so mean? I'm including myself in this too, but I will have say that I try to at least respect everybody. I'm not going to tell the whole story, but I'm just amazed at how cold some people can be to others just because they decided one day that they weren't going to like that person, or they don't agree with everything that person said, or that person had a bad day and was rude. I mean, cut people some slack every once in a while! We all fall short at times... geez.
Okay, that's my rant for now... until next time.

Feeling down

In tutorials again. Man, am I tired. Not really physically so much as emotionally. You know when you have those days where you're just sad and don't know why? That's me yesterday and today. And really, nothing is wrong, but I'm just depressed. Wierd, I know.
So I have decided to start working harder... in everything: school, athletics, health, attitude, taking care of myself, etc. I've always had the drive to overachieve in school, but I'm also so lazy, so I want to improve that. The dream of valedictorian has kinda burned out lately, and although I don't think it will happen, I'm gonna at least work to bring up my averages. But then, that's not really the problem either. I really don't know enough. I'm good at grades, but I'm very behind in subjects like history and science, and have been for... well, always. I've gotten by on little knowledge, and that just stresses me out! So I'm going to start reading the news more often and such, even though it bores me just a little... oh well.
Anyway, no one really wants to read this, and probably no one does anyway (except for you Brady, so thank ya) so I'm gonna quit babbling about boring life stuff, lol.

Random stuff

I'm now sitting in the computer room during my favorite time of each school day: tutorials. It's a great time to sit back a little before athletics and surf the web or read a good book... or homework, if I absolutely have to. But today I have decided that the two-page history report can wait until I get home. I want to blog! And I have something to add because I have nothing else I want to do and it's the stuff I read when... there's nothing else I want to do! haha. I just read two articles off of my SBC yahoo home page that I think kinda relate to me. Shows you the stuff I think about all the time... kinda sad, I guess.

Body image
Racing against time (the first part makes me think of myself, lol)

My first rock concert

So, Saturday I had quite an experience! The concert was just as scary as I was expecting, but also just as much fun!! It's invigorating to let out your wild side every once in a while, and I feel like I definitely did that! It was one of the few times in my life when I didn't give a flying flip (haha, I said "flying flip"..) about what anyone was thinking about me and just enjoyed myself. It was amazing!! I'll elaborate on it a little later, but right now I'm headed to a Super Bowl party with the family to eat a bunch of yummy appetizers and laugh at the commercials while pretending like I know what's going on in the game :P Ahh... isn't life great??

Starting out

Yay! Finally my own blog! This is great, and I don't know why I didn't think of it seriously until right now. I would always post occasionally on Myspace, but now I can post random thoughts on a website that is meant specifically for that! Haha.
So let's see... what's going through my head right now?:
1. The Birthday Bash is tomorrow!! I both scared and excited about it. Most people probably don't picture someone like me going to a play or event like that, and I think that's mostly the reason why I'm going! I hate being predictable :P
2. My Job Shadowing yesterday. It was great, and I still can't get over how much I would love to be doing something like that (being a web designer for the Daily Herald). I'm sure it would get dull eventually (like any job), but I know I would enjoy it. It cleared some things up for me. But then again, I'm still somewhat stuck in my previous funk about my future. There are just so many things that I'm interested in! I now know that I love web design, but there's also health, pyschology, journalism, writing, and music. Hmm...

Well I guess that's it for now. I also just realized that I'm still on the daily webcast for the Herald website. Guess Ryan hasn't gotten around to changing it yet! You can view it here: http://www.myplainview.com . I'm kinda proud of it even though I look stupid, lol.